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The most famous traitor since the garden's kiss
October 2010
 
 
 
 
 
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Sun, Oct. 10th, 2010 10:55 pm

He’s not quite sure when the love affair began but it was long before the Hogwarts Express. If anything the promise of escape from Spinner’s End in that iron colossus only cemented his affinity for locomotives. Understand it’s not a passion, nor something he has ever given thought to- which, for a man like Severus Snape only proves how sincere the devotion is. He keeps it without questioning which is better treatment then he’s offered anything he’s loved.

But if you must know when it began it would have been in childhood at Christmas although he never celebrated it in any sort of real way. His grandparents lit candles and remembered miracles and most holidays were too hard for Eileen but store fronts became pictures in magazines and idealized versions of life around Christmas and always, always there was the little set of tracks- either around a tree or through weaving and winding paths, in the windows and Severus pushed his face to the window like a sticky fingered child he never was, oblivious to the cold and his red, frozen fingers as he watch the little machines chug, chug, chug away to their intended destination.

There was safety in the rhythm, magic in the little puffs of smoke that never smelled like Opa’s pipe or of his father’s clothes- foul with grease and oil from hard work and little pay. The trains of his memory were clean and precise- as exacting as his potions.

That he met James and Sirius on the train never diminished the escape they represented in his head, or the cleanliness. During school, they became quiet moments that were never so much about the destination as the journey- as the memory of Lily with her head on his shoulder or in his lap fighting off sleepiness and her distant dreaming voice asking him silly questions whose answers she never heard.

There no mysteries about trains, and their magic is purer then anything Severus has ever studied. They invoke time and passing as easily as they seem to keep memories fixed and unfading. They seem strong- somehow- like comforting arms of parents that are as they’re supposed to be; protectors always pushing forward- and moving, moving to take you where you need to go.

In fact, the only time he ever really hated trains wasn’t hate at all. It was dread and his reasons were as simple as they’d always been.

He was Headmaster and the Carrows had been installed as teachers.

And without knowing why, Severus waited on the platform for the train to arrive as he had all those years ago- cold, raw fingers and a child who was never a child- waiting for whatever destination awaiting these children to greet them.

Severus Snape
Harry Potter
458

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Wed, Jun. 2nd, 2010 02:25 am

“Do you intend to flee if the Dark Mark burns?”

Severus wondered for a brief moment if this was another test, an attempt to glimpse into his psyche and for a split second- not long enough to matter (these moments rarely are) Snape is tempted to take the bait. Albus likes his games, and Snape is a faithful dog; if he wants to throw the stick, who is Severus to deny the chase.

“No,” But faithful doesn’t mean well behaved, and Snape is in no mood to play tonight. “I am not such a coward.”

That wasn’t entirely true. Severus could do his best to avoid punishment. There was still that streak of an abused child in him. He read power and moods better then even he knew and he could give someone what they wanted to garner praise instead of neglect. Isn’t that what you’re doing here? Really? hissed a persistent voice in the back of his skull Severus loathed sometimes but named it reason.

In any rate, the voice was wrong here. What he did now wasn’t for Albus, although the Headmaster was a fool not to benefit from it, and if he was honest, it wasn’t even for Lily. Perhaps it was for the boy who with her eyes…

Or perhaps, it was for that abused boy cowering in the corner. He wanted to withstand the strikes- to show it wasn’t going to hurt him; not like they had once when he was powerless. Either way, did it matter?

“No, you are a braver man by far then Igor Karkaroff.” Dumbledore said, and he meant to praise him with his words Severus knew. Instinctively, Snape leaned closer. Dumbledore’s praise wasn’t by any means rare. He knew a hungry dog when he saw one. But knowing that never lessened the value of his words. Never once. “Sometimes, I think we sort too soon.”

Snape flinched from the words like they burned and Albus- ever the mystery- simply continued on his walk leaving Snape to stare after him in bewilderment. In times of reflection, Severus would find his way back to words, would roll them over in his head and try to understand.

Had the Headmaster meant to bring him closer to Lily in that moment? Had meant to praise him with some schoolyard chant? Surely, he’d known Severus’ reaction. Even without loyalty, Albus had to know Severus would stay- it wasn’t in his nature to betray. Not entirely. That’s what damned him.

Normally, when he thought back to it, Snape could almost convince himself it had been another jest, a man eager to play with his dog and although he never believed it- he could ignore it with that answer.


Severus Snape
Harry Potter
452

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Sat, Apr. 17th, 2010 11:16 pm

Lils,

He looks more like James everyday and I’m sure if you’d be thrilled to hear it. I swear, he doesn’t know what a comb is used for, yet alone how to apply to his own life. I think it’s Molly that drags him to Diagon Alley every year- as evident by the oversized sweaters he seems to favor despite all reasoning. I suppose you can call him lucky he has the two girls following him about like they do. He’s like you, you know, because of that. He doesn’t know the effect he has on people, or why. He’s kind of clueless really.

The professors talk about him passing, like Albus does. It’s queer to think how many people put so much on his shoulders, as if he can handle that weight. As if he’s suppose to. They hardly give him time to be a boy. It’s alright though. He seems content to steal those moments, which he does at great length- regardless if it’ll cost his house points or not.

Imagine it; through all this chaos he is still concerned with the Cup. Not like it matters, you should see him on the pitch; James’ son through and through. At least we know the dunderhead would be proud of one thing about him. If only he had taken after you in studies.

Every year the old guard gets bolder, you know. Albus is sure there will be war again. We all know it too. It didn’t end there with your death; not really. We just hoped it did, and it should have. Everything important in the world died that day. We’ve been holding our breath for years waiting for someone to prove us right.

Don’t worry. Voldemort won’t finish what he started…he-

Lily, I need you here…not that it matters. Stubborn girl. You always did what you wanted, despite of me. He’ll be safe.

I’ll make sure of it.

Sev


Severus Snape
Harry Potter
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Tue, Mar. 30th, 2010 02:41 am

Severus Snape is old although that fact people tend to forget when meeting him. One of the tricks he’s picked up by accident; like the trick of Lazarus coming forth all those decades ago. He looks forty, and people treat him like he is; like he’s on the brink of wisdom but there’s still time- especially in the Wizarding World. He lets them treat him like that too; he’s comfortable with forty even if in reality he’s almost a century. That’s the lie of his features isn’t it? He will forever look like the man who died in the shack all those years ago.

On some people it looks good; James Potter. James likes being forever twenty-something and who can blame him? He’s Peter Pan and King Arthur all in one. Severus cannot claim that innocence, nor would he want to.

I'm a mountain that's been moved.Collapse )

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Fri, Feb. 19th, 2010 01:58 am

Severus loves. That’s his dirty secret- Severus Snape loves; wholly and deeply like a greedy child. He keeps them locked up in his heart and up on their pedestals and there’s nothing that will ever tear them down; not betrayal, not abandonment, not pain or life. If he loves you- he’ll do anything for you. Ask Lily. Ask Abraxas. Ask Voldemort.

Ask Alecto.

She can play him like a fiddle; because he loves. Not her. Never her. He fears her; her and her brother because they do not love. They don’t even hate. They are neither. What they do in that basement transcends all emotion. It becomes simplicity and worst. It’s business. It’s…something to occupy the hands. The Dark Lord asks for it- yes- but the truth is (the truth Severus knows and that is why he will never love her) they’d do it anyways.

Severus wouldn’t. He doesn’t have the heart for it. But Alecto isn’t concerned with his heart. He has a stomach for it. He has hands that can do the work and his mind- that brilliant mind- can twirl and twist anything. He’ll manage it. He’ll even convince himself he’ll love it. And why?

Because he wants that love in return- that love he can give so greedily and deeply. He is drowning for it. Alecto can admire the irony. She can appreciate that particular brand of torture- it’s what drew her to the Dark Lord. He’ll simply use Severus until he’s exhausted his resources or died in the attempt and when he has; she’ll find him in their basement.
She’ll let him perform. She’ll let him dance and twist and twirl and want something she can’t give. Besides, it’s not her approval he’s after.

He wants to see something like love in the Dark Lord’s dark, cool eyes.

Severus Snape
Harry Potter
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Fri, Jan. 15th, 2010 03:55 am

He supposes on some level he could claim it’s a streak of stubborn pride that kept him from getting rid of the place. A sort of deep-seated anger that coupled with pettiness that made him turn Tobias Snape’s humble Muggle home into a Wizard’s place. But if he’s honest- and Severus is loathed to ever be honest- it’s not true.

He kept the house because it was there, and there’s no profit from selling it. During the war, he had taken a little flat by Canary Wharf because he was needed in London for his work with Abraxas and his other duties. After the war, Tobias had already moved- Severus heard from the busybodies- he left with some woman he had met that made him comfortable and the place was left for Severus to claim or to rot.

And Severus was a Professor, his life would be mostly in Scotland until the Dark Lord returned or the Dementors came. It was just a place to rest for the break, and hide the bodies.

The house itself hadn’t changed much since he was a boy, fresh coats of paints once when Minerva decided something had to be done. Little articles left behind and never picked up again from rare visitors. Books. Nothing else.

Most of the neighborhood is like that. It’s still Muggle, and poor. In his youth, it was mostly millworkers. White veterans of Vietnam or Falklands. It was National Front territory. Now it’s Muslim, and the air- still sour from the mill is mixed with curry. The vets spend most of their days indoor now, ignoring the brown skinned kids at play.

It’s not despair that keeps the people there; it’s really just apathy, things left over from childhood no one really knows how to change or desires to. People don’t really intend to end up at Spinner’s End; they kind of end up there like the filth at the mouth of a river.

Severus Snape
Harry Potter
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Tue, Dec. 8th, 2009 02:16 am

Magic.

Not the practice; Tobias would have never allowed it. It was too dangerous that way. But the idea of it; the knowledge that was another world out there- one that was waiting for him. Severus was raised on the idea of magic; of Hogwarts, and purity, and a world that was not this one- not confined to Spinner’s End, or the cold, common life of Muggles.

Severus believed in ideas before he ever thought to trust other people. He knew about Hogwarts and Slytherin and in his mind, they were magic words. It was whispered knowledge, passed to him by his mother in his father’s home. His mother, eyes shining feverishly, told him everything.

It became his bedtime stories. Stories of his grandfather; bold and brazen. The family that had forsaken them; and in each of those childhood stories Severus was a Prince- about to retake his place of honor. He’d fighter harder than any other story character (and that’s how all the stories went- you fought for it, no matter what); he’d clutch it closer to his heart. He’d earned it.

All he had to do was be smart enough, brave enough and clever. He had to be worthy. Then maybe one day his grandfather would see his mistake and all this would be over. Tobias would only be a nightmare then; and his mother would be better. Whole again.

By the time, he reached Hogwarts he had already found his princess too. It was just like a storybook…

And when the time came, Tom Riddle made sure to tell him so. He had need enough for princes and Magics.

And he had a story too.

Severus Snape
Harry Potter
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Sun, Nov. 29th, 2009 01:30 am

Severus’ hands ran carefully over the steel of the sword. He could tell the value of the thing in the way a thief might or a Muggle; that it was very old and still cared for. Potter had used the sword to kill a Basilisk in his second year; and Snape knew the group was trying to smuggle it out to him and his little friends now. That was the what. He knew the how. The other questions were the tricky ones; the why, when and where.

Amycus and Alecto were quick to offer their services which successfully stopped any attempt on Severus’ own part to interrogate Ginny or Neville.

That left Severus with a Goblin-made sword and questions even Dumbledore’s portrait would not answer. Severus could appreciate, at least from his position as a Spy, Albus’ reluctance to disclose information. Severus’ true intentions had always been a mystery; and once more Voldemort so close to his ear was cause for concern. He understood all of that, as a servant he could even honor it.

As a Headmaster, it annoyed him. This was his school now, and Albus was playing games with it from beyond the grave. Snape wasn’t blind enough to believe that the war would not come to Hogwarts; he couldn’t afford to be. The best he could get was ensuring that last battle would be the only skirmish.

In a way, that was Severus’ skill. Spies could hold a lot of power; could control the “when” and “why” of battles, it was the where that usually beyond his control. The who…
A puppet Headmaster was as powerless as the sword in his hand; important and cared for no doubt, but in the end his position would forever hang on Dumbledore’s whim, or the Dark Lord’s.

His musing was interrupted by the stone stairway admitting the groundskeeper, and quietly Snape slide the sword back onto his desk.

“Thank you for coming, Hagrid.” He began. “I wanted to tell you I have decided upon a punishment for the children. They’ll be assisting you for one week…” A Spy could only play with the details. “I trust that won’t be a problem?”



Severus Snape
Harry Potter
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Thu, Nov. 19th, 2009 01:18 am

There was a girl in the flat above him.

She wasn’t pretty, not really; too thin and too raw around the edges. She had too many dreams and no desire to follow through with them. Her name was Morgan. She ignored when he drank too much and when she found out he was a Wizard; her eyes danced like she met a celebrity. She crowed and cheered like a child when he preformed even the most rudimentary magic and always seemed a bit surprised when he worked the Muggle way rather than magic.

But they watched football games at her job, nursing the same pint and she laughed when the Manchester in him came out; even harder when the Jew boy came out. And once when the National Front marched; Morgan started a fight with them and some rude boys that left Severus with a black eye he had to explain to Abraxas and then Amycus.

She moved into his place suddenly one week when she didn’t pay her rent, bought groceries for the two of them instead and that’s how they began to live together. They never said the words; it would never occur to them to say it, but they found something that worked.

There was one night, when he stayed awake thinking about the Carrow’s lessons and Morgan was warm by him; and he wondered if he could get a job out here in London. She was complaining about that other world he disappeared to. She was questioning the nightmares he was getting and the mood. Eileen would have hated him for staying there, he’d probably hate it. But Lily was marrying another man and this worked in a way, didn’t it?

And for a moment- just a moment- he thought about trading in all those insipid childish wants and getting something now. He deserved it after it.

But when the Dark Lord asked for everything, he gave it and he’s done it so often since then he can’t remember just how much he’s paid.

But what’s one Muggle, more or less?

Severus Snape
Harry Potter
345

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Sun, Oct. 18th, 2009 02:03 am

8 track tapes, Jolt Cola, New Coke, Pepsi Clear, the Radio Star, The Fall of the British Empire with the 82’ Canada Act, DeLorean Motor Company, Princess Diana/Prince Charles Marriage, Michael Jackson/Lisa Presley Marriage, Thalidomide, Laurence Olivier, Sodomy Laws in Scotland and North Ireland, Idi Amin’s stint in power, a handful of Ayatollahs, Hong Kong being a British Territory, the original run of Cats, Evita, and Sweeny Todd, Apartheid, Adolf Eichmann, Virtual Reality, Betamax, Type Writers, Danger Mouse, Thatcher in Government, Steptoe and Son, Juan Peron, the 76’s Recession, the National Front as a serious power, Berlin Wall, the Cold War, Vietnam, Falklands, Persian Gulf Wars, Sid Vicious, Willy Brandt, that mean old biddy who lived in the next walk up…

Yes, in case you’re wondering, I did put on “We Didn’t Start the Fire” and just started typing.

Am I at 150 yet?

Oh yea, Disco is dead too.


Severus Snape
Harry Potter
150

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